


It only takes a year to break a habit

by breadknee



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, Hurt Tony Stark, I'm so sorry, Major Character Injury, Sorry Not Sorry, Sorry bois, The Author Regrets Nothing, This isn't going to go the way you think, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, What Have I Done, pure angst, you can't expect this, you won't be seeing much peter in this one
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-15
Updated: 2018-11-30
Packaged: 2019-08-23 20:31:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16625918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/breadknee/pseuds/breadknee
Summary: After the midst of what happens in Infinity War, Tony Stark has to rediscover how to live without Peter by his side.He remembers only one thing throughout the chaos: Stark men are made of iron.CURRENTLY IN HIATUS.





	1. Alone Again

**Author's Note:**

  * For [losingmymindtonight](https://archiveofourown.org/users/losingmymindtonight/gifts).



> Okay, first off, this is my first Irondad fanfiction! I was severely inspired (and bullied) to write an Irondad fic, thanks to Kathleen (@losingmymindtonight). Technically, I wrote this just to make her cry. How sadistic of me, honestly. I'm diving into the fandom, ready to claim the Angst Queen throne. Let me know if I do, alright? (;

When Peter slowly began to disintegrate in Tony’s hands, his resolve crumbles. He tries to hold it up for the kid – his kid – but it’s just so easy to let his arrogant façade drop into true, raw concern. It seems to let Peter relax a bit, as if Tony never showed him that he actually _meant_ something to him. Peter opens his mouth, his tongue already beginning to melt away as the ashes crumble from his pale skin. Tony tries not to think about how they stick to the blood on his palms as he cradles Peter’s head closer. He wants his kid to be comfortable. Even if he’s dying.

“I don’t want to go, Mr. Stark. I never wanted-“ Peter breaks off, breathing heavily as he struggles to think about what he wants his last words to be. He’s never had to consider them before. A dark shadow settles on Tony’s soul. He doesn’t think it’ll be going away anytime soon.

“Hey, hey. Pete. It’s alright. I’ll find some way to fix this. I’ll make Strange fix this,” Tony growls, brushing his fingers through Peter’s fading hair. He swallows, hard, as he realizes that his hands only made Peter’s hair crumble faster. Tony pushes the thought aside to rip himself apart about later. His kid’s dying right now.

“I’m sorry I failed you, Mr. Stark,” Peter says, his tone weird as he feels his drying mouth with a sandpaper tongue. Peter lets out a small whimper at the ash that falls into his mouth as he does so. He’s almost half-gone now. Tony’s given up trying to brush the ash back together, simply letting it fall where it wants.

“Do you think I’ll be naked in the afterlife?” A pained smile crosses Peter’s ashy lips. Tony lets out a wet, tear-soaked laugh, and he’d hit kid the lightly on the arm if it wasn’t for the current circumstances. Despite the joke and tight laughter, Tony can only hear the words _dying, dying, dying_ rumbling in his brain.

“I doubt Thanos would want that awful imagery for all time.” Another smile passes Peter’s lips as he slowly lets his eyes raise to the dusty sky. Tony’s lungs squeeze tight at the action, and ignores the way that Peter was about to become _part_ of that sky. “Hey, stay with me, alright?” He knows its useless, but he tries anyway. Anything. He would do anything to keep Peter alive.

“Do you think,” Peter coughs slightly, pain flashing against his face, “that Aunt May is going to be mad?” A guilt has flickered in Peter’s eyes, settling in as his face begins to fall into the bloody sand beneath his head.

“No. Never.” He didn’t want the kid to die being fucking _guilty_ about _dying_. “Aunt May will never be mad you, Peter. None of that matters.” Peter seems to relax a bit, his muscles resting more loosely into the sand, but that only leads to more disintegration. Tony ignores the bile rising in his throat when he considers the fact that he might have to leave Peter’s body here. The ashes here. He’s got nothing to carry them in.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Stark, sir,” he puffs, his lips almost completely gone. Tony thinks it might be his last words as he closes his mouth, what-would-have-been lips sealing. Pain settles in his face again.

“Hey, kid,” Tony says as he begins to wrap his calloused fingers at the only part of Peter still whole – his right shoulder. Even as Tony presses his fingers into the flesh, it begins to fall away. He’s running out of time. “I’m going to fix this – all of this. This is just a bad dream, alright? I’m sorry,” Tony chokes out, the words all jumbled as he tries to get them out while Peter still has an ear left. “I never should’ve brought you in. Should’ve left you in Queens.” Peter has the audacity to look offended, as if Tony was being absurd. He doesn’t try to speak. Tony isn’t even sure he _could_ anymore.

He doesn’t want to be his kid’s last words, despite what so many parents would want. That means Pete’s dying. That Tony’s alone again. He doesn’t want to be alone again – he can’t be. Peter’s stuff is lying around his penthouse now, littering his floor in video games and comic books and clothes. He can’t live there anymore. Not after this. That is, even if he gets off this damned planet.

Titan. That’s what the planet is called, he dimly remembers. All around him is simply dust, ash, and an almost-flaming sky. The sand beneath his knees is speckled with his own blood, filling him with a nausea that’s been present since he first noticed Peter’s sudden condition. He wished he could set Pete in a grassy, wide-open field rather than this alien planet. Than the dusty ground leaving marks along Peter’s disintegrating cheek. Tony doesn’t bother to wipe it away – he knows it’ll just break apart under his touch again. His stomach roils.

Blood leaks through the crack in his suit onto the sand, and he makes sure it doesn’t drip onto Peter’s red suit. _Red is to hide the blood from bad guys,_ Peter had once said, flashing a crooked smile. If only he could see that innocent smile again. The kid was all silence and regretful dark eyes now. Eyes dark due to the planet’s dark skies, but Tony also suspects it’s because of the pain littering his gaze. He tries not to imagine what the feeling of melting away is like. His brain not-so-helpfully supplies him with disturbing ideas anyway.

Tony feels a light touch press against his knee, despite the suit. He looks down to see that Peter is scared by his silence, that Tony has stopped talking to him. He immediately scrounges up words to distract Peter, even if his ear has just fallen away. So, he starts telling stories. He rants to Peter about making the Iron Man suit. He tells him about arguments with Rhodey. Tony even spills his new technology ideas he’s been working on for the past year, and guilt thickly coats his throat as he realizes it doesn’t even matter if he does. Pete can’t hear him anyway.

After ten minutes of frantic babbling, Tony is sitting in a sea of off-gray ash and spilling every thought coming to his brain. He scrubs at his face to wipe away tears, trying to erase the image of Peter’s eyes falling away – becoming blank, empty, and utterly lifeless. His hands are caked in Peter’s ashes, the blood forcing them to stick to his palms. Tony lets out a sharp laugh, fire lacing down his injured side as he does so. He can’t erase Peter. It’s when Tony realizes that the suit is gone with Pete that he lets himself let out a gut-wrenching sob alone on Titan.


	2. "Did it hurt, Peter?"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony wakes up after Peter's death on Titan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... it's been a while since I posted the first chapter, and I felt bad about leaving you guys hanging. I plan on writing a lot over the weekend (alongside studying and the works), so give a little time before I can actually post chapters closer together. It's exam week in university, and I'm sure you all know about the memes from that. Spoiler: they're true.

It takes five days for Tony to be rescued from the deadbeat planet. He’s barely surviving. Guilt, hunger, and his open wound make it hard to do anything but fall into a dreamless sleep that’s riddled with tiny _‘Mr. Stark?’_ s echoing in his skull. It’s like a never-ending chorus. All it does is make his eyes sting. He blames it on the heat.

White, hot pain laced through every part of Tony as he stood up when he was found, either from the now-infected wound or his stained soul. He had a kid, despite his constant pestering of Pepper for one. He’d had a _kid_ , and now that kid was in another universe – another planet – millions of miles away. Or he was just dead, and Thanos’s act was irreversible. Either way, he’d never see Peter again.

The thought had him springing up, the bright white light stinging his eyes as he quickly snapped them shut. His head pulsed angrily at the sudden assault. For a few dizzying moments he tried to ground himself to where he was. Tony pressed his hands into the scratchy sheets, thick and boxy. Light pressed angrily against his closed eyelids, trying to find a way in. A beeping sounded from his right, and something was keeping his arm from moving freely.

So, a hospital room. Cautiously, he peered through his eyelashes, adjusting his eyes to the light. He was alone, which left a small sting in his heart. He shrugged it off.

Tony didn’t know what was real. Was Pete dead, or was that a Thanos-induced nightmare that seemed _way_ too realistic for his liking? The very thought of the events that (could have) happened on that dusty, bloody planet had Tony throwing his arm to the side, grasping a nearby puke bucket (or so he hoped it was) and dry-heaving into it. Something pricked his skin as he leaned over. Tony tore out the IV furiously, pride making his face hot. He was _not_ a kid. Like he needed some IV shooting painkillers into his veins. Not when his own kid had just died. He was just about to figure out a way to swing his legs over his bed with the least amount of pain when a shoe scuffed against the floor. Tony snapped his head over to look at the door, eyes wild. 

_Pete_ , Tony’s mind sang. _He’s alive, he’s alive, he’s alive._

“Tony,” Rhodes’s voice said softly, his arm reaching out to press into his best friend’s shoulder. “Tony, listen.”

Peter isn’t alive. He isn’t going to swing in with his upgraded (and fucking _hacked,_ the little shit)suit. A solemn silence fell over Tony as he drew into himself. His apprentice, intern - whatever – was gone. His _kid_ was gone. A pit formed in his belly, begging him to just toss away all his memories of Peter. To let him erase the kid from his memory so that he could function again. He thrust the thought aside for the moment. He’d leave his mind to break that apart later.

It was then that Tony realizes he has been staring blankly as if he didn’t know him. _Rhodey._ The sight of his best friend grounded him a bit, like his feet had touched an icy floor. He’s reminded of sharp images from his time in captivity and Rhodey’s care after he’d been found in Afghanistan. A touch of warmth brushes Tony’s heart. It doesn’t erase the pit forming in his belly, but the pain eases a bit. For a moment. 

The minute Tony tries to open his mouth to speak, he’s wrecked with coughs. He ignores how it reminds him of ash and dust. His wound sends pain racing up his side, forcing him to hitch his breath. Rhodey silently hands him a glass of water, patient as Tony sips it as gingerly as he can without throwing himself into another coughing fit. He’d rather not have his wound burn his side again if he can help it.

The puke bucket slides off his lap and falls to the floor with a loud thump. It sends an uncomfortable silence through the room as Tony tries to settle his coughs. It takes a while to calm his breathing. His wound throbs.

Rhodes is watching him with a soft, sad gaze. He knows it’s true, but he asks anyway, swallowing down the last of his water. “Is Peter…?”

Silence. The guilt flashing in Rhodey’s eyes are enough to confirm. Tony’s own guilt gnaws away at his heart, reminding him that it’s his fault Pete’s gone. Tony even left his ashes on Titan to be swept away by the unforgiving wind. He ignores that thought too. He’s been doing a lot of that – ignoring.

Rhodey lays a hand on Tony’s knee gingerly, as if he doesn’t know where the pain Tony has starts and ends. He’d like to say it doesn’t end, that Peter’s dead and it’s impossible for it to end, but he knows that isn’t true, so he just keeps silent.

His wound still feels raw and gaping, reminding him of the stab Thanos gave him. Sickness rolls in his stomach again. _Did it hurt, Peter?_

“Tony,” Rhodey begins, his voice soft. “We didn’t have time to search the planet.” His dark eyes expose his guilt, unwrapping like a sad Christmas gift. Tony had already purchased gifts for Peter this year. Stacked in his bedroom closet, they’ll just gather dust. _Like ash_. “We didn’t even know which were _his_ -“

Tony forces himself to focus and glares at Rhodey. “Don’t. Don’t even start with that shit.” After a moment’s pause, he adds, “please.” His best friend doesn’t reply, instead opting to seal his lips. The silence weighs on Tony. “When will I be released?”

“Not for a while.” Rhodey seems grateful for the conversation change. “The doc said your wound had splinters in it. Said it’d be raw and sore for a while. Besides,” he continues, eyeing Tony cautiously, “you’re not allowed out anyway.”

Under the bright fluorescent lights, Tony presses his head back against the stiff pillow. Rage squirmed beneath his skin. _Pete’s ashes are gone. Pete’s gone. What now?_ He stares at the lightbulbs, his eyes burning. Tears form in his eyes, and he angrily blinks them away. He glances down at his hands. 

Rhodey keeps silent, though he looks confused. He doesn’t press, instead moving to sit in the chair next to Tony’s bed. He leans back with a loud sigh, running a scarred hand across his face.

Tony remembers Peter talking to him a week ago about his adventures as Spider-Man, despite Tony’s constant bugging that he was gonna get hurt. 

_“-and it was amazing, Mr. Stark! The dude didn’t even know what hit him! Well, he did, but like, he didn’t know it was_ me _. He only saw the toaster. A toaster!” Peter was laughing, his face dimpled. “He thought it was a cop or something, so he started sprinting, and-”_

_“Why were you even out that late? Didn’t you have schoolwork?” Tony had crossed his arms, scowling at Peter’s carelessness. He had a lot going towards MIT, and was_ supposed _to be working on his end-of-the-year project. Yeah, he wasn’t a senior yet, but Peter’s school program had integrated some hands-on work to boost their resumes._

_“Yeah, but listen, Mr. Stark. This dude had like at least thirty guns!” Peter was paying him no mind, only leaning forward and waving his hands around as he reenacted his patrolling from the previous night. “Besides,” Peter said, eyeing Tony slyly, “I could use some help on that project, y’know. I’m stuck on some formulas anyway. Why did you make it seem_ easy?”

_Tony fought a smile. “What happened with the toaster?” Peter brightened immediately, already distracted again._

_“He tried to kick it, which was already really funny, but then he missed! And fell over! I was laughing so much I had to have Karen mute my voice so I wouldn’t get detected.”_

_“Who’s Karen?” Tony wrinkled his brow. Surely he wasn’t talking about F.R.I.D.A.Y.?_

_“I named the woman in the suit that.”_

_“Why Karen?”_

_“It seems like a good fit, don’t you think? Anyway, pay attention, Mr. Stark! So, I was swinging in, ready to tase the heck out of the dude, right?” Tony just rolled his eyes and kept listening. A smile hung on his lips. “And I did! He fell to the ground, just like those action movies. Man,” Peter says dreamily, breathing out a nostalgic sigh, “it was fun. I love being Spider-Man, Mr. Stark.” He leans back in the chair and grins at Tony._

_“I know you do, kid.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOW LISTEN. I KNOW YOU WANT TO KILL ME. I KNOW. I WANT TO KILL ME TOO. BUT LISTEN: IT GETS WORSE. SO CALM YOURSELVES AND JUST LET ME RUIN YOU, OKAY?

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading until the end of this disaster. I know it needs work - a severe amount of it - but I wanted to post a draft to get a feel of the Irondad fandom and see how people would react to it. Let me know what you thought of it, if you'd like! 
> 
> This fic was also written specifically for Kathleen. I love her <3.


End file.
